i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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