Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
