You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
