he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know her cup size but not her name....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
