My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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