And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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