her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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