I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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