Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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