Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
