May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
