i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
