oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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