he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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