My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.