hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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