No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.