People in love make me want to vomit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
