ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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