whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
