So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need a burrito and a hug.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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