i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
