I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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