I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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