he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They took my balls.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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