Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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