Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
