I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
