1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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