I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
