She is in my trunk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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