You're my little dorito
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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