If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
