she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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