I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
