my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
