Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
