i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
