Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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