The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I look better un-naked...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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