Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it because I queefed?
smell my finger.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
