Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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