Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
