I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
