just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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