Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
