omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
