Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
