Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
