When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
