do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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