Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
