We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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