you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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