im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
