i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
