i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
