I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
