I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
