Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
