so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
