I heard we made out
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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