Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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