I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
