I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
