I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
