All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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