I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
