Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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