I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She announced her abortion via fbk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
