he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
