I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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