somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
