Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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