R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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