i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
